If you’re a stay-at-home mom going through a divorce and you’ve had what some might call an “emotional affair,” you may be wondering if it affects your ability to receive alimony. Alimony, also known as spousal support, is financial assistance paid by one spouse to the other after separation or divorce. It’s designed to help the lower-earning or non-earning spouse maintain a standard of living post-divorce, especially if they’ve sacrificed a career to raise children or manage the household.
But when the topic of infidelity—especially emotional infidelity—enters the picture, many people worry that it automatically disqualifies them from receiving support. The truth is more nuanced, and it depends on several legal and factual considerations.
What Is an Emotional Affair?
An emotional affair typically refers to an intimate, non-physical relationship with someone outside the marriage. This kind of connection often involves:
- Frequent texting or messaging
- Sharing personal thoughts, feelings, or problems
- Keeping the relationship secret from your spouse
- Feeling emotionally closer to the other person than your partner
While emotional affairs may not involve physical intimacy, they can still lead to feelings of betrayal and the breakdown of trust in a marriage. But the legal system treats emotional affairs differently than physical ones—especially in the context of alimony.
How Alimony Is Determined
Courts consider a variety of factors when deciding whether to award alimony, how much, and for how long. These factors typically include:
- Duration of the marriage
- Earning capacity of each spouse
- Contributions to the marriage (including raising children and maintaining the home)
- Age and health of both spouses
- Standard of living during the marriage
- Marital misconduct by either party (if relevant in your state)
In North Carolina and many other states, marital misconduct can influence the alimony decision—but the key is how that misconduct is defined and whether it’s considered “fault-based.”
What Counts as Marital Misconduct?
Marital misconduct generally refers to behavior that violates the duties of marriage, including:
- Adultery
- Abandonment
- Cruel treatment
- Substance abuse
- Indignities that render life intolerable
Can an Emotional Affair Affect Alimony?
The impact of an emotional affair on alimony depends on your state’s laws and how the court views your specific case. In general:
- Courts may still consider how the emotional affair affected the marriage, especially if it led to financial decisions, emotional harm, or contributed to the breakdown of the relationship.
- Judges may look at your need for support and your contributions to the marriage, especially if you’ve been a full-time parent and homemaker.
In short, an emotional affair may be a factor—but it is rarely the sole deciding issue in an alimony case.
What If Your Spouse Is Using the Affair Against You?
If your spouse is claiming that your emotional affair should prevent you from receiving alimony, here are steps you can take:
- Work with a family law attorney who understands how your state handles marital misconduct.
- Be honest about your relationship but make it clear that there was no physical infidelity, if that’s the case.
- Focus on your financial needs and the sacrifices you’ve made during the marriage.
- Document your contributions as a stay-at-home parent—raising children, managing the home, and supporting your spouse’s career.
In many cases, the court will weigh these contributions more heavily than the emotional context of a strained relationship.
Final Thoughts
If you’re facing a divorce and concerned about your right to alimony, speak with a qualified family law attorney. They can help you navigate the legal process, advocate for your financial future, and ensure your voice is heard—no matter what the circumstances.